Saturday, I woke up out of my sleep with “No, Thank you!”
I grabbed my pen and immediately started writing to remind US of the importance of guarding our time, space and heart…with boundaries.
I have had thoughts time and time again but with urgency here are my honest truths.
Time
Listen to your body. We have 24 hours in a day. Use your time to be responsible, efficient and balanced.
Space
I remember a time when I had to learn to allow a waiter/waitress to pass over me. Instead of allowing them to continue to top off my water or coffee, I started to speak up and say “No, thank you.” I transferred this experience to my personal space. I truly enjoy entertaining friends/family by hosting game nights or simply cooking. The random pop ups were the challenge. I learned to use the phrase, not tonight, whether they were already at the door or not.
We teach our boundaries not only by how we carry ourselves but what we allow others to do. I remember listening to a podcast concerning parents of an autistic child. She did not want sympathy or judgement. When she and her husband identified their child’s needs, they were transparent with family and friends about expectations of interacting with their child. If anyone could not comprehend or adhere to their expectations, they were no longer welcome in their home.
Your space should be a sacred place of peace and love. You have the power to create that.
Heart
In full transparency, boundaries regarding my heart have been most challenging. Regardless of relationships you were born into or that life has presented, we should create and respect boundaries.
The parents previously mentioned took ownership of the development of their child. Although we cannot shield children from the world, the interactions under their control would be of love and understanding. They were intentional about the relationships their child was introduced to.
As an adult, I have learned how to be self-aware and not to ignore my needs. It took an experience for me to become fatigued and literally sick to prioritize self-care. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
Sips and Secrets was birthed from “me time”. Writing allows me to process life experiences and my hearts’ desires while sipping on my favorite beverages.
Being intentional has reshaped all of my relationships and lessen heart ache. When I recognize a relationship no longer serves (unhealthy) me I have found non-confrontational ways to release them.
When it comes to dating, I don’t believe in serial dating. Within a relationship, we should have an end goal in mind. Salvation is a nonnegotiable. Although a ring (commitment to marriage) is not promised, I desire a relationship that allows continuous growth personally, professionally and more importantly in GOD. Even if you are married, the pursuit, respect of boundaries and growth should never cease.
Family boundaries surpass “what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained”. Members demonstrate love in different ways but they should be within the respect of individually boundaries. This is very important because we did not choose our family but we have a choice of the quality of relationships we create, grow and maintain.
Professional relationships should but just that, professional. If you befriend someone, it should happen organically. Otherwise, do not send a social media request or reach out after five. No matter the nature of the relationship, you cannot assume that someone already knows and understands what your exact needs are.
Respect and hold strong to your boundaries first, others will follow suit.
Sip Secrets #11: Clarity is key. I am still learning how to verbalize my boundaries. Boundaries are not just a sign of healthy relationships but a sign of self-respect.
Boundaries are important to maintain thoughts of ourselves regardless, negative or positive. Clear boundaries yield relationships that are reciprocal and confidence with respect of ourselves and others.
Check out Therapy for Black Girls Podcast for this topic and more!